Proceed at own risk; high levels of grumble ahead...
So, for those of you who haven't heard, I was supposed to be enrolled in Basic Military Training as of right now. I would have spent Christmas there. And I would have brought in the New Year there... All the way up until just before Valentine's Day. However, since entering the Air Force has proven to be one big headache and disaster after another, I will not be leaving until April.
I have mixed feelings about the fact. On the one hand, this gives me more time to prepare my body and perhaps my mind. And I get to spend more time with my charming boyfriend, which is fantastic because I want all the time I can get with him before I have to leave for several months on end. Also, I'm spending the holidays in the company of loved ones, which is definitely preferable. However, I was really riding on the fact that I'd be leaving in mid-December. That wrench thrown into the mix kind of threw me for a loop. Upon hearing the news (five days before I was supposed to leave), there may have been slight hyperventilation and watery eyes on my part... but once I talked to a few people and calmed my nerves, recovery was fairly quick. This means, however, I am on the job hunt once again. Cabin fever, boredom and pacing about are strongly-prevalent in my daily activities. I've also started chopping at my hair again... it's getting shorter and shorter... Blah blah blah...
I did really enjoy having long hair, by the way. It had gotten the longest it had been since I cut it my junior year of high school. Long hair kept things interesting. I originally cut it a couple of weeks ago in anticipation of making light of my personal maintenance in boot camp, but I'd forgotten how easy and cute short hair can be!
Anyway, writing this blog post is the most productive I've felt in weeks (when not chopping my locks off). I made Josh a painting, and started another one but only got discouraged when I realized it was much more complicated than the stuff I usually attempt. You'd think that with all this free time I'd be finding all sorts of creative ways to keep myself busy... but it's been the contrary. I've found no inspiration, no motivation, and no reason to even want to leave the house on most days. I want to be productive. I really do. Which is why I feel guilty every single time I sit down to watch a movie or play a card game. Josh has been into this computer game for the past week-ish... I've played it a few times, but have been avoiding it for the most part because I'd rather it were a time filler rather than a time passer. Soooo... I haven't been journaling, blogging, painting, photographing, designing, or anything creative. And anything non-creative makes me feel reprehensible. Also, I haven't done many push-ups or sit-ups... All this free time, and I the idea is still deplorable to me. I know that having a job, even part-time, will change a few things. Anything that puts productivity into my days would breathe some life back into me. I'm desperate for a breath like that at this point...
/Sigh.
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