in my waking life...

this morning i woke up anxious as all get-out. i felt as though i'd just stepped off of a roller coaster. i tried to go back to sleep, but that's not exactly an easy task when your heart is pounding, your mind is racing and your stomach is doing cartwheels. i'm trying to figure out what it is that's put me in this state. there are a few things that can give me this kind of anxiety; yet none of which are occurring this side of the Atlantic. 

it's not an altogether unpleasant feeling... but it's certainly a departure from my usual calm self. and don't get me wrong, it is mostly unpleasant, like there's something looming that is much too big for me to handle (however swiftly or deftly). but there's also that sense of urgency felt, which is something i've not encountered lately. it's not really that i enjoy feeling the pressure of 'urgent,' it's maybe just that it's satisfying an odd craving. like the craving of a formerly-important-and-high-stress retiree, who now in his lazy lemonade afternoons just wants a little responsibility to keep him important, active, worth a damn. 

but still, where did the lighter fluid come from?