12/26/2009

Proceed at own risk; high levels of grumble ahead...

So, for those of you who haven't heard, I was supposed to be enrolled in Basic Military Training as of right now. I would have spent Christmas there. And I would have brought in the New Year there... All the way up until just before Valentine's Day. However, since entering the Air Force has proven to be one big headache and disaster after another, I will not be leaving until April.

I have mixed feelings about the fact. On the one hand, this gives me more time to prepare my body and perhaps my mind. And I get to spend more time with my charming boyfriend, which is fantastic because I want all the time I can get with him before I have to leave for several months on end. Also, I'm spending the holidays in the company of loved ones, which is definitely preferable. However, I was really riding on the fact that I'd be leaving in mid-December. That wrench thrown into the mix kind of threw me for a loop. Upon hearing the news (five days before I was supposed to leave), there may have been slight hyperventilation and watery eyes on my part... but once I talked to a few people and calmed my nerves, recovery was fairly quick. This means, however, I am on the job hunt once again. Cabin fever, boredom and pacing about are strongly-prevalent in my daily activities. I've also started chopping at my hair again... it's getting shorter and shorter... Blah blah blah...

I did really enjoy having long hair, by the way. It had gotten the longest it had been since I cut it my junior year of high school. Long hair kept things interesting. I originally cut it a couple of weeks ago in anticipation of making light of my personal maintenance in boot camp, but I'd forgotten how easy and cute short hair can be!

Anyway, writing this blog post is the most productive I've felt in weeks (when not chopping my locks off). I made Josh a painting, and started another one but only got discouraged when I realized it was much more complicated than the stuff I usually attempt. You'd think that with all this free time I'd be finding all sorts of creative ways to keep myself busy... but it's been the contrary. I've found no inspiration, no motivation, and no reason to even want to leave the house on most days. I want to be productive. I really do. Which is why I feel guilty every single time I sit down to watch a movie or play a card game. Josh has been into this computer game for the past week-ish... I've played it a few times, but have been avoiding it for the most part because I'd rather it were a time filler rather than a time passer. Soooo... I haven't been journaling, blogging, painting, photographing, designing, or anything creative. And anything non-creative makes me feel reprehensible. Also, I haven't done many push-ups or sit-ups... All this free time, and I the idea is still deplorable to me. I know that having a job, even part-time, will change a few things. Anything that puts productivity into my days would breathe some life back into me. I'm desperate for a breath like that at this point...

/Sigh.

12/04/2009

I've been lucky

For far too long. Seems I'm finally getting the things I deserve. :/

8/12/2009

Yo Snacka Snacka!

8/11/2009

Top 3 Purchases in Paris

I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but since I've returned from Paris life seemed to start rolling faster and faster, and while I could barely keep up, before I knew it I had been back in the states for a full month. At any rate, I would love to get back into the habit of writing again. Even my personal journal has greatly missed my presence in the past few weeks.

In Paris, we were bombarded with bad luck every way we turned. But there were a few things that stood out; purchases which guaranteed goodness and dared to make our lives easier during our stay. If you ever visit the City of Light/Love, I wholeheartedly recommend sparing some change for these three particular items.

Purchase no. One:
A week-long pass for the Metro (or a few day passes if you won't be staying a full week...). The system is complicated. You're tired or hungry and confused and can't fully communicate with the people around you. On top of that, you have to figure out your route on the train system (or brave the nightmare that is driving in Paris... good luck with that!), to see your sights or return home for the day, plus figure out which ticket to buy, and how much of the fare you really should be paying. And if you manage to do that successfully, you have to figure it out again in a few hours when your ticket expires.

Having a week-pass I'm sure saved me from many, many tears. You show up at a station, wave your card by the entrance doors, and voilà! You're already half-way through the potential headache. If you know what train you need to be on, all you need do is board, then you have plenty of travel time to navigate the rest of your trip. Look at you, being all savvy and avoiding some unwanted attention!

Purchase no. Two:
A bike tour (preferably at night, which includes a river cruise and wine!). Actually, I wish I would have taken this trip more towards the beginning of my stay, because it locates excellent sites to go and explore further on your own time. We went with Fat Tire Bike Tours, which is filled with super-friendly folks, filled with helpful knowledge and all English-Speaking (our tour guide was a surfer-dude from Southern California who was in love with the Parisian culture).

Purchase no. Three:
ANY pastry. Not kidding. This people is famous for their baking for a reason! You owe it to your tastebuds (and your peace-of-mind) to sit outside a café, order up a pastry and coffee, and take in the sights. People-watching is, after all, their favorite passtime. There are a lot of interesting things happening in the streets. Sit back and enjoy it.

Hope I helped! I hadn't had really any advice before I had gone to the city. Just a few rumors on their attitude. If you can make it to Paris, go! Whether you have a bad experience or an excellent one, it will last you a lifetime, guaranteed!

6/23/2009

I make'd a movie!

6/18/2009

Favoritism

Today is a Thursday. I'm particularly fond of Thursdays. Good things usually occur on Thursdays.

I've been listing a lot of favorites, lately. But in all actuality, I'm not very fond of picking favorites. In a given-category (music, seasons, flavors, whatever...) I usually find several things to like about a variety of things and for a variety of reasons. I don't consider it to be a factor of my indecision, but rather a testimony to me being an open and appreciative being.

However, when asked the question "what is your favorite ____?" I feel like I'm pressured to have a solid answer for whomever wants to know what my preference is. On the other hand, when I ask someone of their favorite whatever, it's usually more-so because I'm curious as to how one will answer the question. I admire those of you that don't have straight answers, especially because I'm apparently not brave enough to face a favoritism query empty-handed. Kudos to those of you that are.

6/16/2009

The best-laid plans... right?

My sincere apologies. I had every intention of providing a weekly recapitulation of my actions and adventures accompanied by every thought and feeling. And 'every intention' eventually turned to 'it's okay to slip occasionally, as long as I continue to produce photos.' Which lead, ultimately, to having no intention whatsoever to reproduce my journey for anyone, because it was mine, or maybe because the scale finally tipped from a healthy amount of ambition to an exhausting amount of 'busy.'

At any rate, I'm back. If I happen to finish the drafts I've started, great. If not, maybe I'll just publish them in their honest-yet-unfinished state.

Nearing the end of my "vacation" I'm realizing that new inspiration has been gained through treading the map, which is to say nothing of the gained perspective. Suddenly I want to design more, draw more, paint more and most of all, write more. I dearly miss the creative world.

5/06/2009

Someday...

the Russian Ballet
a formal dance class (ballet, tap, salsa, ballroom... who knows)
Machu Picchu
clarinet (again)
an Opera
the symphony
Egypt
paragliding/hang gliding
sailing
skydiving
rock climbing
surfing

4/30/2009

Birthday, happy

So much more has happened in the past year than I ever could have imagined. I did enter "23" with high expectations, and I was not even remotely disappointed. Quite without fail, every step taken backwards was a new chance to take another leap forward. Which means twenty-three was quite 'necessary' for me. I'm proud of myself for marching through it, even when the march was so slow I couldn't even see the passing of time. Although (as always), I do feel a tinge of melancholy to leave another age behind me. And now, moving onward, I think twenty-four feels like it'll be a year of transition, a year of seriousness, and a year to watch a few major prospects come into focus. Cheers to hindsight, foresight, foreshadowing, and forgiving (...why isn't it hind-giving?).

4/11/2009

Woche fünf:

sun: the recoup from Ramsteining.
mon: takin' care of business, reading in the sunlight, hardcore nap.
tue: bye bye Frankie B—have fun in Berlin!
wed: zoo, not zoo. impromptu bbq.
thur: Gamerdinger! super-awesome. super-inspiring. and then egg-coloring.
fri: trading zoos for manors, first sunburn of the year.
sat: countrified bike ride, first biergarten, first beer since i arrived. evening brought the worst food experience since I arrived (it was on one of the Army bases... 'nough said)
sun: London-bound!

4/08/2009

the stream before bed

feeling nostalgic

feeling angry
feeling hate
feeling love
feeling tired
feeling grump
feeling annoyed
feeling drastic
feeling impatient
feeling care
feeling cold
feeling careless
feeling breath
feeling calm
feeling dark
feeling calm
feeling...
feeling.

4/05/2009

Wochen Drei und Vier

Whoa! These past two weeks have zipped by without so much as a warning shot. Last week was spent pretty much just around the house, as everyone but Frankie was sick, spending their energies trying to get better, and I was spending mine to concentrate on staying healthy. So... not much to report für Woche drei. However, we did attend a Margarita/Enchilada Night on Saturday, which was much fun. Wonderful home-cooked Mexican food, a couple of perfect Margaritas, and makeovers done by a sweet five-year-old girl, who apparently believes the whole face is a canvas for every color imaginable.


Monday took Aunt Sandy, Elijah and I into downtown Stuttgart for the afternoon. We rode on the S-Bahn rather than the car, which gave me my first glimpse at Germany's public transportation system. The S-Bahn system was extremely similar to Portland's MAX system. The tickets were purchased at an automatic kiosk, and they relied on the Honor System for validity. Innenstadt Stuttgart is comprised of a mixture of historic buildings and a GIANT outdoor mall. As far as I could tell it was just like any mall in the States, but with no roof or common building. And then there are beggars and street performers hanging around some of the store fronts, like you'd find at Portland's Saturday Market. We found a café for lunch, and I consumed the most delicious ham & cheese ciabatta sandwich ever created.

I think this is a good time to insert this notable observation: At every place I've gone out to eat at so far, the food tastes exactly how it ought to taste. As far as I'm concerned food critics would be out of a job, because I've yet to find any dish that is sub-par.

The rest of the day I was admiring the shops and the people. Apparently the Germans love to window-shop, which is great, because so do I! If I can spend the day downtown amongst lots of interesting people, submerged in the world of attractive and expensive items, able to enjoy the beauty and glamor of it all without spending a dime, then you can call me perfectly happy. Of course, it's always fun to get something fun for yourself if the mood strikes you, or you see something you just can't pass up. For instance... an adorable grey + white + yellow hoodie zip-up!! Or perhaps some flower hair clips. Finds like that are irresistible, of course.

Thursday I colored my hair red again, but the results aren't all that shocking or even noticeable, in my opinion. Better luck next time!

Friday morning we (Aunt Sandy, Elijah and I) made our way out to Ramstein (just a couple of hours away, by car). We had several plans ahead of time, but as it turned out not one of them would work out (except for visiting the giant flohmarkt). The trip was originally planned so that we'd be able to attend the annual memorial service for the T-43 that went down in '96, but that ended up being postponed to Monday. We were also going to meet my recruiter for the first time, but she canceled. Finally I planned on meeting up with a friend from high school stationed at Ramstein, but she emailed minutes before we left saying that she was called into work. And this isn't to mention the several friends Aunt Sandy planned to get in touch with to see while we were there...

Soooo... we got to the base and as it turned out, President Obama was speaking in Strasbourg, which meant that his plane was stationed at Ramstein Base! My aunt noticed it wasn't a regular plane, but it wasn't until we went to take a closer look and talk to some other people checking it out that we decided it was in fact Air Force One.

Then Aunt Sandy continued giving me a tour of the base, which is much larger and more accommodating than the Army posts around Stuttgart. And by 'larger' I mean it's absolutely huge. We made our way over to her former work site, where there's a permanant memorial for the '96 T-43.

That night we had a delicious dinner, during which some guy within a group of a few service members stared at me throughout most of my meal. He wasn't unattractive, so I didn't mind quite as much as I otherwise might've, but still... it was a bit disconcerting. Then we went to go see Monsters vs. Aliens. Luckily we found an English-showing of it out on the German economy.

Sunday we made it to ___________? for the monthly flohmarkt, which is apparently a huge event. I regret that I didn't get any pictures of these, but I saw several rings with weird white stones, shaped oddly (or suspiciously) like teeth. And they were usually showcased with the Nazi paraphernalia and Swastika-laden jewelery, badges and medals. We asked a man who had one of these what the ring was made with, and he pointed to his teeth. Crazy. And the fact that I saw more than one ring, at more than one location, leads me to believe these were a common type of trophy. Wow.

Other common items spotted inluded pewter goblets, wine glasses, old skeleton keys, and funky-colored typewriters. I found a few cool treasures to take home, including several rings I apparently couldn't resist, as each turned out to be better than the one before it...

3/29/2009

in my waking life...

this morning i woke up anxious as all get-out. i felt as though i'd just stepped off of a roller coaster. i tried to go back to sleep, but that's not exactly an easy task when your heart is pounding, your mind is racing and your stomach is doing cartwheels. i'm trying to figure out what it is that's put me in this state. there are a few things that can give me this kind of anxiety; yet none of which are occurring this side of the Atlantic. 


it's not an altogether unpleasant feeling... but it's certainly a departure from my usual calm self. and don't get me wrong, it is mostly unpleasant, like there's something looming that is much too big for me to handle (however swiftly or deftly). but there's also that sense of urgency felt, which is something i've not encountered lately. it's not really that i enjoy feeling the pressure of 'urgent,' it's maybe just that it's satisfying an odd craving. like the craving of a formerly-important-and-high-stress retiree, who now in his lazy lemonade afternoons just wants a little responsibility to keep him important, active, worth a damn. 


but still, where did the lighter fluid come from?

3/25/2009

Gesamtkunstwerk?

Hardly.

Jeeze I'm dumb. I just had a major realization. 

Everywhere we go, my aunt and I have been noticing that the newer buildings have these very "modern" steel, white or primary-colored plates with holes in them on all of the balconies (in fact I just noticed that there's a prime example right in the backyard...). I thought it was a little bit weird that the Germans would just toss around modernist architecture so casually (since it occurs most often in the lower-income housing (which is still pretty nice, compared to that of the States)). 

Well, I also recently remembered that the Bauhaus is in Germany, and that whole little movement they call "Modernism" was strongly felt here. So it's no wonder it's become so commonplace! It's worked right into their history, and has become normal much the same way the colonial style has become so banal in the US. 

Duh callie...

3/21/2009

i really love...

having wine with almost every dinner

living just above lots of cool shops
exercising more regularly
eating healthy foods
drinking lots of tea
being immersed in a language i don't understand
learning about a new culture
my aunt
getting to see sights older than my home country
living with people who are a lot like me
not seeing or hearing any advertisements
being able to connect with a family member
living with kids, so i have an excuse to play and goof off
living with a very lovey kitty
not having strangers living above or below me
having the use of an awesome entertainment/theater room
using 4 types of recycling (glass/cans, plastic, paper and compost)

i really miss...

chocolate stout

the pub
having a bathroom connected to my room
lying in bed all day some days
texting
deciding to do something on the fly
Bon Iver
sleeping naked
partying with the girls
fighting with the girls
watching my "guardian crow" land outside my window
awalsh
having hot tub access on any day of the week
going out at night
talking to paul appx. once a week to stay caught up
listening to music while taking a shower
Gil Bagel

Week zwei: feeling the distance

I've already been here for 2 weeks! Usually when I have a 2-week vacation somewhere, it seems to drag on and last as long as I want/need it to. But so far the time has just flown right by. Uncle Frank is back in town (he was away on business for the first week and a half I was here), so now I'm with the whole family!

I just got back home from my first volksmarch (this one was 10k, appx. 6.2 miles), and I think we're going on another one tomorrow. A volksmarch is a walk through a village, a chance to see the countryside and meet people. After which there is always coffee and delectable cake. Yum. And then you get a prize. I got a cheesy lighthouse tea candle holder thing. :)

Sunday and Monday were spent mostly around the house, resting and relaxing and trying to avoid getting sick.

Tuesday brought the big morning workout, and then we went down to the Toom market (German grocery store, with some other things. Kinda like a Fred Meyer). Do you know that people over here don't deem it necessary to refrigerate eggs? Odd indeed. I picked up some paints, brushes and canvasses to keep myself busy in the downtimes. 

Wednesday we went down to the scwimmbad, which was great. In the building, which had an oddly-sloping roof, there was a diving pool, a snazzy little kinder pool, a huuuge lap pool and a shallow pool, all of which were wonderfully heated. In order to get to the pools you have to walk through an individual changing room to get to a hall (where there are other changing rooms connected), then through the hall to get to the shower rooms, then through the shower rooms to get to the pool areas. Well, after we were done swimming and were walking back to the changing rooms, I managed to catch an eye-full of naked old man. I tried not to notice as I walked past but my face must've betrayed me, because my aunt pointed out I was significantly more red than I had previously been. 

Thursday, Uncle Frank got back into town. Then Aunt Sandy and I went to a thrift store where I found a few treasures, including (in excellent condition, I might add) a 1957 version of the board game Clue, all in German. Cluedo. For €3. It is seriously awesome. I also found a beautiful 15-piece tea set from Bolivia for €5. Then we drove to a cool little village with historic town center, where we wandered around and then got some coffee and cake. 

Friday I hung out by myself at home all day, finding various ways to keep myself entertained. That night we all watched a movie, Reign Over Me. It was sad, but I liked it.

I noticed that I have this constant feeling like something's missing. Much like the billboards missing from the landscape... I didn't notice until someone pointed it out for me. But in this case I realize something is missing and yet I can't figure out what it is. It feels like I left a vital part of me in Oregon; part of my brain or my heart, or an arm... It's very strange to feel as though you're torn like this. Looking at the sky, it certainly looks the same, but it definitely feels different. On some level I'm constantly aware that I'm on the other side of the earth. I didn't think I'd actually feel like I'm far away. It's interesting.

3/20/2009

Now you see it...

Closets, ice, and billboards. These things have been erased from my everyday life, and I didn't even notice until each instance was pointed out to me.


Absolutely zero billboards. I don't miss them in the least. Do you believe there's actually a landscape out there?!

Awesome. :)

3/18/2009

Glazed-over

My mood has been totally up and down today, with an overall 'melancholy' tone... And it's kinda wearing me out. I think an early bedtime is in order tonight. 


I've tried plenty of things to get me back to my regular self: swimming (which I always love doing), painting, eating, drinking, writing (which is usually very therapeutic for me), talking, letting myself get lost in thought...

I think maybe I just need to fall asleep and find my head tomorrow? I dunno. Any suggestions (in case I don't feel better tomorrow)?

3/17/2009

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Easily got used to having to push a hand-sized button to flush the toilet. But I'm just finally getting used to having the light switches "upside-down" from what I'm used to. Still not quite used to living with a person who seems to be made entirely of curiosity and is exactly tall enough to get into everything. I'm happily used to walking across heated tiles while barefoot. Not used to sleeping with a very lovey cat who paws at my head in the middle of every night. Getting used to a tiny shower... I have to do squats to reach my shampoo/conditioner. Nearly used to sleeping with clothes on, and nearly used to not having a bathroom connected to my room. 

3/16/2009

Memorize the City

Oh, darkness filled the sky as pools of water filled your eyes–
They sparkled like phosphorescence in the bay.
Although our lips barely touched,
I have never felt so much
And i’d really like to feel that way again.
Oh, oh, when
I walk through the streets and memorize the city,
I count every light until i reach the shore.
Sometimes i close my eyes and you’re not very pretty;
Sometimes i can’t believe i’ve had those thoughts before.

3/15/2009

Week One: Settling in

Well, it's been quite the eventful week! And already this feels like home. All of those suspicions I had as a little girl, thinking my Aunt Sandy was secretly my real mother, well they've all come flooding back. I'm amazed at how similar we are, especially in light of the entire rest of our family. And the similarities just keep piling up. Our mannerisms, attitudes and views on things are all side-by-side. And I don't believe any of the other women in the family besides us has curly hair. You've all seen my famous (infamous?) butt-dance. Well it's time I let you all know that the real inspiration behind that dance comes from this very aunt (seeing her shake her booty around with a gigantic goofy smile on her face is one of my fondest memories of her, hahaha). So obviously you know I'm in good hands, with someone who's got moves like that!  I think it's rare that someone "gets" me as easily and quickly as she obviously does, and I find it awesome that there is actually someone in my family I can talk to as candidly and comfortably as I can talk to her.


And I love living in this house. Everyone is just as much of a dork as I am. It's absolutely glorious. We all randomly hum random songs (even the 2-year-old); often at the same time. And I love it when the three of them burst into song together, singing "Stop! In the name of love". Yes folks, I'ma be just fine. And if that much doesn't convince you, then be persuaded by the power of heated floor tiles. Comfy-living, indeed!

As far as the culture outside the front door, I'm still getting used to it all. It's weird knowing that even though there are tons of awesome shops all around me, making a purchase from any of them would mean braving treacherous language barriers and forging past culture-shock. I think I'm finally (mostly) accustomed to the time difference, but lord knows it wasn't easy! 

Here's a brief recap of the events thus far:
Saturday: arrived in Stuttgart, extremely exhausted but entirely happy. Tried to stay awake as late as I could make it, but passed out as soon as it was practical.
Sunday: took a spin on the Autobahn, then wandered around to see the local sights
Monday: went to Ikea and the mall. Both were very similar to the States', except without all of that "English language" nonsense.
Tuesday: had my butt kicked when I went to the Cross-Training exercise with Aunt Sandy. Nearly passed out, literally. Despite my muscles being sore for days afterward, I'm looking forward to next week's workout!
Wednesday: Got my hairs whacked off, in a nice way.
Thursday: Another workout; Strollercise this time. It's okay that I didn't have a stroller. Not as rough as Tuesday's workout, but definitely enough to make me feel good. 
Friday: Kindermusik with Eli, then hours spent tasting wine and acquiring awesome goods at the Bazaar
Saturday: Spent the day helping aunt's friend put together Ikea furniture and using my eye-for-design. It was nice to be in a creative head-space once again! It'd been a while. Went to dinner at an authentic Italian place with Aunt Sandy, where we had a fantastic time chatting, catching-up and giggling.

I feel like I'm off to a great start. Also! I learned of our plans to go to Paris at the end of May for a whole week. I am so looking forward to that! In addition, there's talk of me visiting London to see my cousin, perhaps Barcelona to see a friend, a beautiful castle not terribly far from here, Stonehenge, and a few other awesome things. Color me super-excited.

3/12/2009

Bookworm

Finished reading Coraline this morning. You know, I think that could be considered a pretty accurate 'kiddie' version of the book I'm about to start reading; strange house, impossible dimensions, creepy creatures trying to get at the main character... (I'm about to start reading House of Leaves). 


Couple of crazy coincidences regarding Coraline: there was a small reference in the book to the play The Importance of Being Earnest, which happened to be the play on the ticket stub I was using as a bookmark. Also, I saw the play with the person who lent me the book, and it happened on the same night (the play and the lending of the book). Weeeird. 

Soooo looking forward to reading House of Leaves. I've heard from different people it's the scariest book, strangest book, craziest book, etc., etc. But besides how one feels about the book, people are very vague when describing it. I'm okay with that. I think I've finally gained a decent overall picture of what it's actually about.

3/10/2009

Stranger in a strange land

The day after I arrived in Germany (which is now the day before yesterday) I had my first "foreigner" experience. I was pretty hungry while we were out and about, looking at the local historic buildings. So my aunt gave me 5 euro and sent me off to buy some food for myself. It wasn't a huge deal... she waited right outside the door, and I just had to say something on the menu then point at the other ingredients I wanted added to the pita. But still. I'm pretty sure that's the first time in my life that I had to get what I wanted out of someone who didn't speak my language. I'm sure I was blushing, but I ended up with a taaasty end-product– a donner kebab. So good. And paying wasn't difficult since the total amount owed showed up on a little display screen. I handed the man money, he gave me change, and I was on my way.


Donner Kebab! Soo good!

Well, today I had a bit more complex of an exchange. Yesterday we made an appointment to get my hair cut today. Sooo, 15:40 rolls around and my aunt comes downstairs to inform me that she wouldn't be accompanying me to the salon. Oohhhkay... I can manage...? Just then my little cousin Frankie got home from school (who can actually speak a decent amount of German), and he walked with me over to the salon to help translate what I wanted done to my hair. 

I'm going to preface this with the fact that I really like the way my hair turned out. It's adorable! That being said, during the cutting I could not shake the uneasy feeling I had. I was intensely reminded of being 14, when I got my first short haircut. The past few times I've gone to get my hair cut it's made me feel more like a woman, silly as that may be. Though I'm sure it's hard to feel like much else at the rather-snooty Magnum Opus in the Pearl (which is where I'd been going). Still, I couldn't do anything to shake that adolescent uneasiness while the scissors were dancing across my locks. I felt young as young could be (while still being able to interact with adults, barely). Thanks, language barrier!

Besides that, it was a very enjoyable experience! I'm a sucker for getting pampered. Somewhere between the scalp massaging, the constant touching and the knowledge that you're being beautified, you can't help but find relaxation and peace. Frankie stuck around to help me pay the lady. He helped a lot; I'm not convinced I would have liked my hair as much if he hadn't been there to relay a few key messages.

Shine-on, highlights! And goodbye, split-ends!

However... cute as the cut may be, I kinda think I should stop asking for layers like I always do, and I should start asking for something to make me look sexy. Someday I'll look older... someday...

3/07/2009

Fond Farewell (aka New Beginnings!)

When I moved to be on my own for the first time, leaving Anderson, I wasn't sad or scared and I knew ahead of time that I wasn't going to be looking back. Anderson is not the sort of place you shed a tear for, no matter how many years you spent growing up there (luckily I only needed 14 years (moved there when I was 4)). I planned on fully taking advantage of the fact that I could leave that past where it belonged, and become anything I wanted to in a new city on my own. Which is exactly what I did. 

Now that I'm leaving a city I chose, relationships I tendered and cared for and cultivated, and a history I fully created and approve of, it's much more of a challenge to walk away. Portland is very much alive in me. There was a moment on the plane from Seattle to London when a thought came into my head to sever ties just the way I've done before. I was feeling particularly cold and invincible, just for an instant. But of course, one by one I crossed off people I couldn't walk away from. Needless to say there isn't a single person I could actually turn my back on. I know Portland will miss me, and I can't even begin to pretend I won't miss it right back.

The journey to Stuttgart was mostly pleasant. In fact, besides the length of the trip and my lack of snoozes, it was entirely pleasant. The shuttle from PDX to SEA-TAC was short and sweet, and offered complimentary wine and beer. Of course I grabbed a glass of wine, and raised it to first steps to new beginnings. There wasn't really enough time to finish enjoying the glass before they came around with the last garbage collection. The lady asked if I wanted to "hurry and finish" the rest of my glass. I laughed at her, took one more gulp, and gave her the rest. 

Once I arrived I spent a couple of hours wandering around that airport, ate a final Whopper, re-recorded my voicemail message to include my email addy, and pondered the wrapped gift in my backpack. Finally we boarded the gigantic aircraft. It was a double-decker; first class had big reclining seats with foot rests and raise-able partitions between each seat. It looked even nicer than it sounds. The rest of the plane had a touch-screen on the back of every seat, so that you could choose your own on-flight entertainment. This included plenty of new-release movies (I watched Slumdog Millionaire and Madagascar 2; they were both great), classic movies, lots of TV shows, and music selections from which you could make your own playlist, listen to full albums, or choose a station to listen to. There was also a "flight tracker," which showed you your position on the globe at any given time, as well as the estimated remaining time of the trip and a few other facts regarding the journey. 

The dinner meal was delicious! Some chicken/noodle/spinach/white sauce dish (other choice was pot roast, I believe?), served with a dinner roll, your choice of red or white wine, a small bottled water and a salad of romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes and dried cranberries, topped with a balsamic vinaigrette. Then dessert consisted of a slice of apple pie with some sort of light custard on the side, a fun-size Kit Kat bar and your choice of coffee or tea. 

I finally got to open the wrapped box from Drew that's been driving me crazy with curiosity. It was full of lots of thoughtful things that made me both laugh and cry. I very much loved it. Especially the 2 mix CDs that are a Requiem for the Past and an Anthem for the Future. I have never characterized us as being in a "relationship," and I'll continue to refrain since it really was nothing like one, and always had a definite end in sight. But I found that Drew has left a much larger and deeper impression on me than I ever expected he would, and although I never found myself in love with him, I still absolutely love and adore him for everything he's done, and everything it's worth.

I didn't sleep on that flight; I watched a final movie and stayed up to receive breakfast (a croissant with cheese and some healthier version of a candy bar) and tea.  We landed in London when it was about 4am in my head. But the sunshine was blatantly disagreeing with me, and so I wanted to punch it. I didn't get much of a view when we were coming in for a landing because I was sitting on a ginormous wing, and the girl at the window didn't open the shade much. I caught my first glimpses of the countryside through a slit in the wing; first it looked like farmlands I've flown over many times, and I was slightly disappointed. Then the scene changed very suddenly; there were tall-ish quaint buildings perched right on the edges of the farmlands, which is not something I've seen. Everything was taller and older and quainter than the scenery I'm used to flying over. I liked it. 

The London airport was much busier and larger than any I've been to! Everyone was bustling around. I thought there was a slight chance I'd have trouble getting around, but I'm blaming good design for my breezy passage to the next gate. My final flight, London to Stuttgart, was only a couple of hours long. I was awake only long enough to have a sandwich and tea before passing out for the remainder of the duration. When I awoke we had just come out of the clouds above Stuttgart. I was in the window seat, and looked out to find white all around the buildings and trees. Apparently it's still pretty 'winter' over here...

I grabbed my luggage (thank god) and found Aunt Sandy and little Frankie waiting for me with the biggest smiles I've ever seen. I'm here!! What a wonderful realization. It was a short drive to her house from the airport, and immediately I began noticing the small differences. For instance, a traffic light turns yellow before turning green, as a warning to get ready to accelerate. She pointed out all the restaurants we'll probably be eating at, and the shops she likes to frequent. She lives on a street that's equivalent to any "main street" in USA. 

Aunt Sandy's house is beautiful. Like everyone else in the vicinity, the place has a bright red roof with wattle-and-daub siding (hooray for HMC...). In town the buildings and houses go 'up' instead of 'out,' and so I was a little surprised to find that 5 stories would be my new home. After a tour of the house, dinner (spaghetti and salad), dessert (strawberry layer cake with tea), more subtle differences (the toilets have no tank, just a hand-sized button on the wall you press to flush) and a shower, I could no longer fight to stay awake. I'd been up for approximately 23 hours, and traveling for 17 of them. I laid down in my huge comfy bed, curled up with my headphones and the book Coraline, and passed out before I knew it. The clock told me it was about 9 pm, my body told me it was about noon.

Now it's 7:30am and I'm wide awake. I woke up at about 5 this morning. There are blinds you can pull on the outside of the house which draw out ANY AND ALL SEMBLANCE OF LIGHT, making the room a great place to stay asleep, but also utterly disorienting if you don't know where you are when you wake up.

Now I've just had some strawberry cake and tea for breakfast, and I'm feeling drowsy and ready to go take a nap. 

I'm happy to be here. :)

3/04/2009

Since I'm moving out...

A few things I've learned about my neighbors.

The Asian family across the courtyard has a young, adorable little girl, and has very recently had another precious little child. The other tenants in my building are of considerable age, and are possibly hard-of-hearing (because of the lack of complaints after the BBQ's and parties that have been held here). Especially the lady below us. The guy across the way from my bathroom window has a hammock set up in the summertime, on which he reads books, but just lets his cat roam around on his porch in the winter. He *seems* like a nice guy, but I've never actually met him.

That is all.

2/21/2009

twenty-five things.

1 I like cats and dogs equally, and haven't yet decided what that says about me. But not all cats or all dogs. Labradors and tabby cats... (of course, there are always exceptions).

2 I am a child sponsor, and signed up when I couldn't even support myself.

3 I loved riding my bike when I was growing up. But now I'm afraid to ride in the city, and would rather walk or bus to my destination, even if it means extra time or money.

4 I never really had a solid answer for my favorite animal, and picked something new most of the times I was asked what it was. But I think I decided recently (within the past 6 months or less) that it's probably an octopus or a giant squid. That's because in my dreams, my deepest-darkest fears are represented by those animals trying to reach out and grab me. I *really* enjoy the wonder I feel when I think about it after I wake up.

5 I sort of tend to look down on those less-cultured than I am, but not on those less-educated.

6 I strongly avoid talking about politics, mainly because I'm not nearly as interested in them as other people are.

7 I like listening to others talk about their religions, mainly because I don't have a strong belief of my own.

8 I'm constantly torn between liking having scrapes and bruises because they make me look tougher, and liking not having scrapes or bruises because it makes me look prettier.

9 I believe logic should always prevail over emotion. But it's really fun to indulge sometimes...

10 Whenever someone tells me what song they want played at their funeral, I do my absolute best to remember it, and every once in a while I go over all of the songs in my head just so I don't forget.

11 I recently tried to picture my dream house, and hated anything with walls, no-matter what the style was, or how big the place was that I imagined. I decided I want windows. Nothing but windows on the outside. And I don't want to be far away from a city, but I need a gorgeous view. I think that's why I'd probably really enjoy Seattle.

12 The first CD I ever owned was Pure Moods. I still have it, and listen to it approximately once a year.

13 I've never lived in one house/apartment for more than 2 or 3 years.This fact makes me slightly nervous for when I have kids... I don't want to get stagnant, but I don't want my kids to have a disoriented childhood. I also can't easily picture myself buying a house, even if it were something like my imagined dream-home. I'd rather be in a nice condo, then be able to easily switch-it-up when I was ready.

14 As clumsy as I can be, I have never broken a bone (*knock on wood*). Does that make it a 'graceful' kind of clumsy?

15 I believe I will die either in a car crash or of skin cancer (feeling vs. logic).

16 I've had the same favorite song since I was approximately 4 years old. It's Don't Worry, Be Happy, by Bobby McFerrin. I'm pretty sure I have the memory of the first time I heard it (or at least the first time it had an impact on me enough to last 20 years). It was outside of a court, and I knew it was going to be a long time before I'd see my dad again. He was very sad. Looking back, I'd guess that's when my parents got divorced. Someone once told me the song was "annoyingly optimistic." Psh.

17 I am *extremely* attached to the toys I still have leftover from my childhood. They're just sitting in boxes in my closet, but I really don't think I'll be able to get rid of them.

18 I get very, very offended when someone misjudges my character. And when it happens, I usually don't forget about it for months or even years. The guy working at a seasonal store, who sold me my grey, fake Christmas tree the year before last, said something about me probably shopping or hanging out at Spencer's. Ew. Screw him. I am not crass.

19 I don't think I actually have a strong passion for anything. And I admire people who do. But although I feel like I probably *should* have a strong passion for something, I also feel like not having that makes me more hungry and apt to learn about a greater variety of things. And that makes me feel better.

20 I'm slightly superstitious.

21 Sometimes I miss being a little girl. Not only for the automatic praise and attention, but also for the carefree-ness to not worry about dealing with all the praise and attention. I also miss the more-recent years, when I was carefree enough to lie on the ground in the rain and be happy about it.

22 I'm kind of needy. I really don't like it when someone doesn't like me. Please just like me...!

23 I am always extremely grateful whenever someone grants me a favor or shows me thoughtfulness, no matter how small or seemingly-insignificant.

24 Patience and understanding almost always go further than I realize. I don't know what it would be like to not have those things.

25 Drastic changes are extremely exciting for me. Throw me into a spin-cycle of a situation, and I'll likely thrive.

2/19/2009

Let's get me outta here.

Party is official, and being held on Sat. the 28th. Woo!!

2/18/2009

Tug-o-war

So, I'm definitely joining the Air Force. I think I'm nearly done with the process of entering. Once I'm in, my 3-month waiting period begins. It's during that time that I'll be going over to Germany to stay with my aunt. There was a small period of time in which I was considering going to visit my dad, brother and sisters before going to Germany, and I was slightly stressing on the timing of everything. But that's all been put to rest since I found out that basically, I had to choose between one or the other. I chose Germany, and my aunt. She's been an awesomely huge help in my whole process of joining, and she'll be able to teach me a thing or two about military life before I go.

Now I just need to inform my dad that I won't be going to visit anytime soon... When he proposed the idea I told him I would think about it. He told me he was going to start telling people that there was a possibility that I was going to be visiting. The next time I talked to my brother and sister, they seemed to be under the impression that I was going down there for sure. So of course, I'm sure my dad has been telling my entire family that I'll be going to Louisiana for a while. Now I have to break the news that I'm not going at all, and probably break his heart in the process. Meanwhile, my siblings will no-doubt be upset with me for getting dad's hopes up, then not coming. Oh well, I suppose. I know I'll have a chance to visit when I get to take leave. And there's also a chance I'll be stationed semi-near them.

I really, *really* hope I get a chance to throw myself a going-away party before I move. I have to be out of my apartment by the 5th of March, at which point I'll be going to stay with my mom until I leave for Germany. I want a last chance to see all of the people I care about up here before I disappear for like 4 years. Maybe I should start planning one and informing people of it today? I have a stupid work schedule for the next two weeks, and I'm pretty sure I have to work on the ideal "Friday Night." But if so, maybe I can just request it off (and the following morning, heh...). It's probably early enough for that, yeah? I'm gunna do it. Consider a party planned for Friday the 27th. Heck yeah. Mark your calendars.

2/06/2009

I admit it...

I have a big ole crush. :)

1/22/2009

Slap Jack

Great game.

^_______^

1/20/2009

Good moring! Weird night...

Wanna tell you about my weird night at The Pub [PATEOTU] last night.

First of all, i wasn't even sure i wanted to go out at all, due to the uneasy nature of my stomach earlier that day. But i decided the virus had come and gone, and a few glasses of beer would be rather refreshing. So Josh and Drew come to pick me up, and the night begins.

We arrive at The Pub. While ordering the pitcher of Mirror Pond, we notice it's open mic night. Drew jots something down on the sign-up list. A nearby patron takes notice, and starts talking to us. Strikes up a convo about open mic night, exchanges introductions, whatever. We go sit down. Josh brings up the fact that Drew wrote his name on the sign-up sheet. What are you gunna do when they call your name, we ask. Drew says he'll improvise. Hehe, that should be good...

Smoke break. We all go outside to keep each other company, and Drew leaves his camera and phone on the table. Josh decides to pocket them, then see how long it takes Drew to notice. I smile and forget about it.

Once inside again, we decide to grab an open pool table. Turns out i was on FIRE! Won several games of cutthroat. Go me!! Anyway, the dude from earlier, at the bar, is sitting in our area. He notices there are only three of us at the table, and tries to get in on a game of doubles. We tell him, if I win the next game, we'll play doubles with him. If not, we keep going with cutthroat. Without him. So a few more games go by... I was wining a bit, but we sort of kept that fact from Extra Dude. See, he was sort of a creeper. Maybe he was just drunk, who knows. But we were perfectly happy without him.

Some guy walks in that i recognize. Ohh man, it's the guy who dropped me on my head, onto a bench, a few weeks ago. Never let a drunk guy try to dip you while dancing. He takes a seat close to our table. I didn't expect he would recognize me, if i ever did see him again. Well, tonight's the night, and i'm pretty sure he doesn't. Hah, fine with me.

Meanwhile, Drew lets me in on the secret that he actually put Josh's name on the sign-up list, not his own. Hehe. I laugh, a lot, and forget about it.

Finally Creeper gets us to let him play a game of doubles. Guess what, he's on my team. Hooray.

By this time, a performer has gotten up to stage that Drew and i happen to be fans of. We saw him by accident a few weeks ago, when we also happened to go on a Monday night (which is the regular night for open-mic acts). When we'd seen him a few weeks ago, he could barely stand. Seriously, he was pinballing off of everything near his path due to what appeared to be vast alcohol consumption. To our surprise, however, he took the stage, and won over the crowd. This guy has a really unique voice, lots of soul, and can pelt it out so the whole place has no choice but to pay attention. Awesome.

So anyway, he's up playing again. It's good to hear him. :)

Back at our pool game, Creeper is getting touchy-feely. Apparently with everyone. Rubs on the back, grabs on the side... Ugh. I try to keep my distance. I step up to line up a shot that would give me a good leave. He comes over to point out an obvious and easy shot. I'm already completely annoyed that he's been throwing compliments at me left and right all night, over every mundane move i make. I try to be nice, but thankfully Drew calls out that i know how to play the game. Creeper walks away. I guess that's when he told the guys that he was attracted to my strong will, since i didn't take his advice. Ew.

Just as the game was ending, Fumbles tries to strike up a conversation with me. "We've met," i tell him. "Are you sure about that? What's my name?" I tell him his name. You can see the "oh shit" look materialize on his face. "Yeah, it was a few weeks ago. You dropped me on my head. I had a knot there for days." At least three. "Oh shit, that was you?! Didn't you have a friend with you? Have you known it was me the whole night, or did you just recognize me?? Oh, hey man." Just then his friend walks in, the same friend that witnessed my head injury a few weeks ago. "Hey! Do you remember me?," i ask, thinking it was perfect timing that he should show up. He was pretty much sober that night, i knew he'd recognize me. Turns out he even remembered my name.

The game ends. I think Drew and Josh won, 'cause i couldn't concentrate on a single shot i tried to take. They pretty much swept the table.

I go sit down to sip on my beer some more. Just as i'm relazing, some dreadlocked-girl comes over to our table. "Hey girl! Will you come outside with me? 'Cause you're a girl?" I decide to go, thinking she's probably not a nutcase. I was wrong, turns out she was. Schitzophrenic, to be exact. I don't know why she wanted to go outside with a girl, she never really struck up a meaningful conversation with me. Or even a convo with any semblance of a purpose... Oh well. I snuck away when she turned her interests to someone else. The three of us left asap, went home and watched a movie.

Weird night. Guess that's what Mondays are for...

1/16/2009

The beginning

Just watched the beginning that I had missed. Bawled SO much more. Ohh man. If you're in the mood for a good cry ever... Reservation Road.
Good actors + good story = gooood stuff.

Reservation Road

Bawling my eyes out right now. The movie just ended, and it was so good. I didn't even see the first half hour of the movie, but I was still emotionally invested in, and had full empathy with, each of the characters. And with the good storytelling, I was easily able to figure out that it was Mark Ruffalo's character that had killed the boy in the beginning of the movie. Oh man, so good.

Also, never ever thought Joaquin Phoenix looked like Ryan until now. Probably because I don't see his face anymore.

Anyway, good movie. Don't know why I avoided it for so long... guess I had to be in the right mood.

1/13/2009

Lip locks

When it comes to kissing, there have been very few mouths that I'd consider were well-suited to kiss mine. I'd say three, maybe four, ever, although I still love kissing and snuggling sometimes more than coitis (what can I say, I'm a girl). However, there are a few moves that I just really can't handle. And many more that I tolerate, but don't fully enjoy.

One of the strange-yet-tolerable instances is the "swirling round and round tongue." I really don't enjoy that, but sometimes it seems like more people dig it than don't, so I guess I can put up with it. But throw in the hard-as-a-rock pointy tongue, and I'm outta there. Nothing says romance like giving your tongue a swirley in my mouth... Ew.

Another fascinatingly-disgusting tongue trick is the whole "lapping like dogs do" bit. Just thinking about this one literally makes me sick to my stomach. This is a kiss, hi. Not a feeding frenzy for a baby bird. Excuse me while I go vomit...

Anyway, this is what was on my mind this morning. Thought I'd share. Now go out there and wow 'em with your non-gross tongue moves, you crazy kissers.